Study Says Eat Less, Screw More

I spend an exorbitant amount of time at the gym so that I can unsuccessfully regain the body of my early twenties, but apparently being lean isn't just about insecurity and vanity. It's about getting laid too.

A study said that lean adults have better sex, more orgasms, and better relationships. Average men (their weight, not their dick size) are hornier than leaner dudes, but the sex is just bleh according to science. 

Corby Martin and his team at Pennington Ingestive Behavior Laboratory published their findings from a weight loss study in JAMA Internal Medicine, and they basically concluded that if normal-sized people want to fuck more they need to cut 25% of their calories. The team’s findings seem to confirm what everybody already knew but still wasn’t enough motivation to put down the chips and cookies—sexier people bone more and live better, healthier lives.  

The purpose of the study was to prove calorie restriction in normal weight adults could lead to a better mind and quality of life. The researchers found 218 guinea pigs—men and women of various ages with a body mass index (BMI) of 22 to 28, a range that is deemed normal to underweight. 

The subjects were randomly divided into two groups—one that had to restrict their calorie intake by 25% and one that was allowed to eat whatever they want.  After two years, the group that cut 25% of their calories lost a whopping 12% of their body weight. Not only were they looking sexier but they were sleeping better, reported a better quality of life, and craved less food over time. They also said they were getting more sex, which is probably the thing that interests us the most here. 

Meanwhile, the group that didn’t change their habits reported no changes, but the no-change men reported higher levels of sexual arousal than the low-calorie guys. This anomaly surprised the researchers so they dug deeper. While average guys wanted more sex, their leaner pals were having better sex. They determined that with a survey on quality of relationships, orgasm, and frequency.

While the idea of improving one’s life with one change sounds appealing, it’s actually pretty hard to cut 25% of one’s calories. For instance, for a person who eats 2,000 calories a day, that means that they would need to go down to a dramatic 1,500 a day diet. Nutritionists say men should never go below 1,500 calories a day and women should never eat less than 1,200. And who can sustain that calorie count if you want to dine out or grab a beer? 

But on the bright side, those who do wish to enter More Sex Land the guinea pigs who cut their calories said they stopped craving junk food, weren’t hungry as often, and felt less joint pains. 

So in the end, it’s all about choice—enjoy your food or enjoy more sex. What call are you going to make?

If you know me at all, the answer is:

Those scones aren't gonna eat themselves, ya'all!