Stealthing is rising in popularity

Years ago, I dated this guy, who I truly believe is a sociopath, and during our first time together, he removed his condom during the middle of sex and didn't tell me until after.

I was completely shocked. We hadn't had the talk about monogamy or our health histories, and while thankfully, nothing bad happened to me, I still felt weird about the experience and we eventually broke up. Some time after, I learned about stealthing, the secret act of taking off your condom during sex without your partner's consent, and I realized that not only did that happen to me but that it happens to a lot of women.

The Columbia Journal of Gender and Law released a report about stealthing. In the report, they said stealthing is not a new thing but is rising in popularity. One of the researchers, Alexandra Brodsky, said that she even found a men’s group online who encourage each other to stealth. Why these dudes just don’t ask their lover about going condomless is beyond me.

Secretly taking off a condom when your partner thinks you’re wearing one is not only a violation of trust but it can also lead to emotional and physical problems, Brodsky said. The emotional wreckage deals with the fear, guilt, and anger that can happen once the partner finds out that they were tricked during sex. The fear comes from wondering why their partner deceived them as well as worry about STDs and pregnancy. The guilt and anger stems from feeling taken advantage of.

The physical problems, of course, are STDs or possibly having a baby. We all know sex without a condom feels amazing, but when a man could so easily ask but doesn’t, is it because he’s hiding HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, etc. etc? Or is he just an asshole?

Either way, a stealther is a total creep.

But could a stealther face jail time? So far there aren’t any laws in any states about the specific act of stealthing, but if a man knowingly passes on a STD without informing his lover beforehand, he can face jail time. For instance, in New York, if a dude fucks someone and gives them a venereal disease, he can be charged with Reckless Endangerment.

So for all the wannabe James Bonds of sex, don’t stealth. Ask and get permission before tearing off your jimmy hat, or just leave the love glove on. There’s far more interesting and crazier sex moves you can do—without resorting to tricking your lover.