Pros and Cons of Dating Older Men

Sexy ass Michael Kelly. Photo courtesy of Netflix.
It's become a running joke amongst my friends that I am destined to be some old rich guy's second wife. I used to find this offensive, but now I think it's kinda funny. I've realized that my attraction to older men must be pretty obvious so why try to fight against my own nature? And it probably didn't help that I wrote a book called The Sugar Baby Club, so I may as well lean into all the gossip.

But to defend my love for gray-haired or bald men, studies have shown the women emotionally mature faster than men, Plus, once a person hits 30, they are most likely settled on their career, values, and personality, so what's the difference between dating another 30 year old, or a 40 year old, or a 48 year old?

I've used this argument on my judgy friends, who still think that being with someone five, ten, or twenty years older is gross. And we all live in Los Angeles, mind you, the land where May-December romances run free. But our passionate debates against age differences has prompted me to share my own observations about dating older men, so the following are some of the most basic pros and cons. 

PRO: Age brings wisdom.
He has life experience that he can share with you. If you ever have questions on buying a house, planning for retirement, or dealing with some nasty coworker, your older man has been there and done that and can guide you in the right direction.

CON: He has more baggage than guys your own age.
With those extra years, he probably also has had crazy lovers, a wife, some kids, and heartbreak along the way. That baggage brings more seriousness to your life that you may not have to encounter yet with younger guys.

PRO: With experience, he’s more skilled in the bedroom.
 ‘Nuff said.

CON: But he’s not going to have your energy level.
An older lover is going to have an older body. Whether he’s rocking a six pack or a dadbod, he won’t have the energy level or the looks of a man your own age.

PRO: He’s ballin’ and can give you a better life.
An older man has had time to get his life together. He probably owns his own place, his own car, and is in a leadership role in his career. With that established life comes money, which means he has the means to take you on vacations, woo you with nice dinners, and give you lots of presents. Enjoying the elevated lifestyle an older man can give you may sound materialistic, but then again, he’s dating you for your youth and beauty, so why not just accept the perks? As a divorced 47-year-old man once told me, “There’s nothing noble in marrying poor.”

CON: He might not be able to connect with your friends and vice versa.
If you ever want to do trendy things with your peers, those activities are more than likely not going to be as luxurious as what he’s used to, and he may bristle having to go “slumming.” Or he may not physically be able to stay up all night and party if that’s what you’re into. No matter how often he says he has a young mind, he isn’t actually your peer, and you aren’t his. On the flip side, do you really want to go to parties where everyone is the age of your parents?

PRO: He knows what he wants.
At his older age, he knows what he wants, and he’s set in his ways. When he goes to the restaurant, he immediately knows what to order. He isn’t going to change his career. He’s dated enough that he is specific about what he is looking for in his mate. In contrast with the wishy-washiness of guys your age, it’s refreshing to meet someone so direct who doesn’t like to waste his time or yours.

CON: He could end up acting like, gulp, your dad!
There’s a saying, “He who has the gold makes the rules.” Because he’s more established in life than you, there’s going to be a disproportionate power dynamic that most likely swings in his favor.
While you may find an older guy who’ll let you dominate him, if he’s giving you life advice and paying for everything, he is probably in charge of the relationship, and his role is somewhat paternal. So while you may get those vacations, dinners, and presents, they are on his terms.


So what do you think? Have you dated an older guy, and why or why not?