Casual sex doesn't exist. Don't do it!



When I was growing up, my socially conservative father told me never to fool around with boys until I was married. As a strong-willed teenager I asked him if he would give the same advice if I was his son and not his daughter, and he honestly answered, “No.” Boys had different rules than girls.

I remember thinking that he was sexist and trying to control my body, and I remember thinking that once I was no longer under his roof, I wouldn’t listen to his old-fashioned rules about dating and sex.

In college, I got my first boyfriend, and although this is uncomfortable for me to admit, he was verbally and physically abusive. Without getting into the gritty details, I’ll share that he was terrible, but I stayed with him on-and-off for years, almost addicted to him. Years later, I look back on that experience and I wondered, Why did I stay? And in other instances when I hooked up with terrible men, why did I wish they’d still call me again even though the time we spent together wasn’t great at all.

Well, apparently, it was my body that betrayed me. My father’s advice, while maybe motivated more by morals than science, was half correct. Girls shouldn’t fool around with boys casually, but science says that neither should boys.

The reason for this is that girls and boys become attached to their sexual partners because of the release of hormones. That’s according to Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who wrote the book Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray.

Fisher told Business Insider that there is NO SUCH THING AS CASUAL SEX! For both genders.

According to Fisher, humans have three brain systems when it comes to sex, and these three systems are each linked to a specific hormone. The first one is linked to testosterone, which men and women both have, and it’s this hormone that makes us want sex. The second system is the one that makes you feel butterflies at the sound of your lover’s name. This system releases dopamine, which is the reason you’re so damn sprung. The final system is responsible for attachment and is activated during orgasm. This system releases vasopressin and oxytocin, those hormones that link us to people, whether or not they’re Prince or Princess Charming or a big-fucking abusive monster.  

Fisher said that 5 of the 12 cranial nerves become activated when you have sex with somebody. She said it’s not just intercourse either that jumpstarts those nerves. Any type of stimulation of your genitals will drive up that make-you-happy dopamine. Fisher said that sexual stimulation can push you over a certain threshold of feelings and once you hit that threshold you feel like you’re in love.
So goddamn. If I hadn’t let my college boyfriend hit it, then maybe I could’ve quit it instead of wasting years of my young life and hours in therapy.

This lesson that casual sex doesn’t exist is one that is easier learned through experience than reading about on some blog, but I hope that those who are searching for love will attempt to step back and really get to know their potential partner before they start hooking up. This is no way a moral judgment. This is more of a way to protect your soul and body. Treat your genitals like Fort Knox or you’re going to be stuck loving some losers….


Trust me. I know.